Automotive Lust

October 29, 2005

Even if I don’t always live up to my ideals, I at least have a modicum of concern for the environment. I like EPA laws being enforced, I don’t complain about pollution regulations, I’d buy an electric hybrid if I could! But all of that was forgotten when I got behind the wheel of a 1997 Ford Crown Victoria LX today.

It was whisper-quiet when I started it up. I pulled out of the dealer’s lot and onto a side street. Luxurious power steering. Then I hit the accelerator and sank backward into the plush leather seat with what felt like two Gs of force. “Sweet Jesus!” I said out loud. Automotive lust awoke in my heart when I felt that V8 engine rocketing me forward. I drove around for a while, trying to observe the speed limit. Once I was sure that the car wasn’t making any odd mechanical sounds I turned on the stereo. Thin Lizzy was warning me that tonight there’s gonna be a jail break. I turned the stereo up loud and punched it. Swept up in the moment, I found myself singing along: “I can hear the hound dogs on my trail! All hell breaks loose, alarm and sirens wail!” I even did a gratuitous drum solo on the steering wheel.

Finally I pulled back in to the dealer’s lot and shut off the engine. I sat there for a moment, wiping sweat off my brow, stunned. The salesman looked over at me from the passenger seat and said “So you, uh, like it?”

Yes, I liked it but I don’t know if I could really buy such a thing. Price? Check. Super reliable? Check. Gas mileage? Not so much. Maybe I should take another look at that Mazda Protegee and leave these kinds of cars to the cops. The hard thing though is giving up the reliability. J. D. Powers gives the ol’ Crown Victoria its highest rating: five-out-of-five on long-term reliability. To afford that kind of reliability in a more fuel efficient car I’d have to get a Nissan, Toyota or Honda that had 100,000 on the odometer.

Decisions, decisions…


No comments yet

  1. Well, the Crown Vic is good enough for police departments around the country if that matters at all to you… But with your commute, I’d be placing a HIGH priority on mileage, dude.

    Also, I generally think JD Power is on crack. I see them handing out number ratings on cars, but I never see any justification for them. On top of that, their ratings have often seemed contrary to the opinions I read in many other sources. Not to say that they’re wrong about this car, but in general, I’m not a fan.

  2. No more comments on energy from you. Your SUV got cracked up and you are considering a gas guzzling V-8? Perhaps you should live like you speak….. Evil Neo-con that I am, I drive a small very fuel efficient vehicle.

  3. Have I made “energy comments,” Fred? If I have I’ve forgotten.

  4. how come you get all the cranky muffins?

  5. Oh — Volkswagen bought up the suppliers that were making faulty parts, i.e. the window manufacturer, thereby making the problem their own. I hope then that their reliability is greatly increased, as I took a chance getting a new one with their recent record.

    That said, I’m loving the 40+ MPG highway! And the torque of second gear… mwahahha! *VROOM* 😀

  6. I’m not all that cranky… You should see the whacky cranks I get at my site! yes Scott, when I bring up environmental policy you get nutty.

  7. First of all, I’m not “considering” any car with a V8 engine. The post above was merely me trying to be funny. It was fun to drive, though! Yes, I drove an SUV for .. 3 or 4 years? Whatever it was, I figure it makes up for the twenty years of Ford Festivas, Chevy Cavaliers, Toyota Tercels, Nissan Sentras and the like. I had just come off a particularly bad trip with the aforementioned Festiva. When I drove the Pathfinder I could not resist it. I repent. 🙂

    And I do not think I have made “energy comments,” Fred. Though if you want to charge me with some level of hypocrisy I guess that’s fair. Charge away. Although I’m sure you live up to your own highest ideals without fail, the rest of us mortals sometimes fall short.

  8. lol you do carck me up Scott. And sometimes I bet I do you as well.

  9. Fred wants to “do” Scott.
    Thats gay.
    And if you thought the only group left that is PC to pick on is fat people, you are wrong.

    …or ARE you?

    Digest THAT thought for a moment.

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