Pizza Guide

March 23, 2006

Sex is a lot like pizza. When it’s good, it’s really good. When it’s bad, it’s still pretty good.

Pizza, as I have historically observed, is important to me. It’s practically it’s own food group here at the Feldstein compound. That is why I have broken down the entire pizza universe into manageable slices for your enjoyment. There are three categories: frozen, fresh and take-and-bake. In each category I have attempted to select the best ones in three price ranges. Remember, all of these pizzas are good. They each beat out others of similar price. It just all depends on how much you want to spend. Also note, this is a regional thing. The pizza I get in my grocery store may not be the same ones you get in yours. Certainly the Italian restaurants I have in my town won’t be the same ones you have in yours. So basically this guide is totally useless, but what do you want for nothing?

Ghetto: Jack’s Thin Crust
Middle Of The Road: Palermo’s (Notable losers include Tombstone and Red Baron)
If You Have To Ask: Home Run Inn (Tremendous value: lots of food, incredible crust) or Palermo’s Primo Thin (Superior taste, but I could eat a whole one myself). (Notable loser DiGiorno: “it’s not delivery, it’s disgusting.”)

Strategery: Buy Home Run Inn when it’s on sale (4 for $9 is a gold mine), get Palermo’s when you strike out.

Ghetto: Little Caesar’s Pizza 1617 Summit Ave, Waukesha, WI, (262) 544-1131 [and a zillion other locations]). (Not all that bad, and for $5 you can’t go wrong. Problem is, they don’t deliver.)
Middle Of The Road: Unclaimed category. Notable losers: everyone, including Pizza Hut and Domino’s and Papa John’s.
If You Have To Ask: Michael’s Italian-American Restaurant(1400 S Grand Ave, Waukesha, WI, (262) 549-0406) or Mama Mia’s (800 Clinton St, Waukesha, WI, (262) 547-6503) or Matteo’s Italian Ristorante (1608 E Sunset Dr, Waukesha, WI 53189, (262) 544-6022).

Strategery: Get Little Caesar’s when you have to feed a bunch of people. Get one of the others when you need the ultimate pizzeria experience.

Plenty of grocery and convenience stores sell take-n-bake, but there is only one real choice in this category: Papa Murphy’s. I was skeptical at first. What could a man named Murphy know about pizza? How wrong I was. These pizzas are a terrific value. For ten or twelve bucks you can walk away with an enormous pizza jam-packed with toppings that can easily feed four hungry people. It’s so substantial that you’ll be overeating if you have more than two slices – but it’s so delicious you may try anyway.

Strategery: Papa Murphy’s of course.



No comments yet

  1. ‘Dja ever make your own? It’s fun and tasty and cheap — and you have complete control over the quantities and variety of toppings.

  2. Absolutely! With and without homemade crust. I find it to be delicious but time-consuming (and it surely doesn’t save any money). We do it every now and again, but mainly it’s for the fun of making it.

  3. Ditto — papa murphys is great

  4. Scott,
    For frozen ‘za, I mostly agree with you on Tombstone as a lamer. That is, except for Tombstone’s Brick-oven Style thin crust pepperoni pizza. But we usually add our own black olives, mushrooms and onions. We will give Home Run Inn a try.

    For takeout/dine in, I like Edwardo’s for their pizza pies (downtown and Wauwatosa; phone ahead – about 40 minutes to bake them). We also frequent Felicci’s Mama Mia’s on the North Shore (great lasagna too).

    For take and bake, have you tried Nick-N-Willy’s?

  5. “You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I’m not hungry enough to eat six.”
    — Yogi Berra

  6. That’s one of my favorite quotes – I’ve altered it many times depending upon subject matter 🙂

    I’ll have to look for Home Run. Nick and Willy’s *is* good!

  7. I think Palermo’s does a pretty good job. It’s even tastier getting their cheese and just adding your own toppings. Plus, it’s a locally owned company which can make us feel all the better.

  8. Mike Birbiglia says, ” Sex is a lot like pizza. When it’s good it’s very good. When it’s bad you get it all over your shirt.”

  9. Clearly, you have never had Roundy’s brand pizza.

    P.S. Never get another pizza from Little Ceasers ever again. I used to work there, trust me.

  10. Oh yeah, and clearly you’ve never had really bad sex either.

    Honestly, there is a MASSIVE difference between excellent sex and mediocre sex. Blah.

    I guess we disagree on this issue.

  11. Finally we agree on something. I have a killer Calzone recipe!

  12. Hmm.. Pizza in Milwaukee.. 4 places I liked:

    1. Pizza Shuttle on the East Side. Don’t know what it was about them but it was good!
    2. Lisa’s… It’s a little pizza place just south-west of UWM. I wish I could remember the name of the street it’s on. [It’s right across the street from a Sentry and just south of a Qdoba and Noodles]
    3. Angelo’s… Right on MU’s campus. Hell, you’ve probably passed it a ton of times! Good pizza… Downside is cash only 😦
    4. Pizza Man… Nice little pizza place over there on the East side.


  13. Well if you’re willing to drive to Racine, then go to DeRango’s on Washington Ave. It’s great thin crust pizza with just the right amount of tasty toppings and you can get a HUGE pizza for $12.

  14. HEllo. Just added your link here.

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