Non-ultra Fox River Parkway Park

April 6, 2006

My son reported to me the other day that our fair city of Waukesha actually has a park named the Fox River Parkway Park. The street that goes by it is of course called the Fox River Parkway. Think about that. If you had a park that you wanted to name after the street it was on, fine. We have a Grandview Park that is on Grandview Boulevard. No problem. You have a street that you want to name after the park that it goes by? Okay. You call it the Fox River Parkway after the Fox River Park. But you do not then turn around and name the park after the street that is named after the park, a la Fox River Parkway Park. You end up in an infinite circle of reference. Down that path madness lies.

While thinking about the poorly thought-out naming of things today, I noticed a bottle of dishwashing liquid in the break room at work. “NON-ULTRA DAWN,” read the label. Does it really need to be called “non-ultra”? I mean I get that it’s different than “ultra Dawn” in some way, but couldn’t the marketing department come up with something better than “non-ultra”? Like maybe “Classic Dawn” or “Old Sk00l Dawn”? Or, wait, here’s an idea. How about just calling it “Dawn”?

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  1. Just in case Dawn was TOO ultra for you to handle, you can rest assured that Non-Ultra Dawn is not nearly as dangerous for you….and if you’re interested, we’ve got these M&M minis in case the regulars were to big for ya…I love cheap marketing ploys

  2. What came first the park or the parkway?
    On second thought don’t go there.

  3. Well, funny you should bring this up…sounds like a brief history lesson is in order 😉

    First, there was Fox River Park…that belt of wetland across the street from Sentry over there on 59 (?). There used to be some dilapidated old, broken down, moldy picnic tables and some crude bird houses…this was Fox River Park…I believe this also encompasses the soccer fields over by the Sentry Warehouse, too.

    Then, along came this brilliant idea to put in the sewage treatment center (or is it trash, I can’t remember), and they needed a road…Naturally, Fox River Parkway (as it ran alongside the Fox River Park) was used for a name.

    Then those ritzy Mountainview (Mountain View? In WI? WTF? and talk about a PITA to get in/out of!) and the Riverwalk Apartments came in…and a walkway along the river, and…dun Dun DUN! Another park…what to name the park, though?

    I can only hope that the person who came up with Fox River Parkway Park did so knowing how funny that sounds…but at least it was not named in some self-agrandizing manner after someone none of us knows.

    So therefore, Fox River Parkway Park actually makes sense 😉

  4. that’s too funny. i saw in MY breakroom at work the same label for “non-ultra” Dawn and it’s been bugging me for about two weeks. why call it “non-ultra?” it’s almost an insult. as if in the Dawn factory there are some batches of the dish liquid that are better than others. the drops of those batches get funneled into the “ultra” bottles, while their (not-as-able-to-make-dishes-come-clean?) inferior bretheren are relegated to “non” status. there’s probably some legal reason why the company must specify the difference.

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