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Peace Out

May 26, 2006

Check out this handy list of things a man over 30 should never do. Now that I am over thirty (ahem) I suppose it behooves me to take stock of how I’m doing.

Which leads me to a few confessions. I haven’t played hackey sack in years but I would probably do so if the right opportunity presented itself. Similarly, while I don’t recall that I have ever given “shout outs,” I use quite a bit of young urban slang. I have an excuse, though! Working at a university keeps me up to my elbows in young people. It rubs off on you. Really. And besides, even if I have been known to greet people by saying “what up dog,” I mean it ironically, as is evidenced by the fact that I am twice as likely to greet a middle-aged man with a PhD that way than an undergraduate with flip-flops. So cut me some slack.

But most of the other list items I’m good on. In fact I don’t even know what number 58 (“whippets”) is supposed to mean. Likewise number 45 (“Hit 13 against a 6”). And I”m pretty sure I don’t even want to know what number 23 is.

Here are a few additions to the list:

60. Throw the goat (sorry, Wil).
61. Eat cotton candy
62. Put rabbit ears behind someone’s head when they’re being photographed
63. Offer to wash someone’s car for money
64. Trip someone in jest

Got any other things to add?

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No comments yet

  1. I’m less over thirty than you are, which may be why I know what these are:

    23. A morning zoo is the classic rock radio station’s morning program, where they make fart noises and insult fat people. U2′ “Zoo Station” is a knock against that kind of programming.
    45. Think blackjack.
    58. Whippets: nitrous oxide containers ideal for huffing.


  2. Hmm, let’s see. Number 10, skipping is fun, and I’m over 40. Number 17, why not? Beats fluffy, boots or target. Number 22. They beat the fish ties hands down! Number 25. More sprinkles should be a right. 47. Even if you do it with your weak hand? As for your additions, I agree.


  3. 58. “whippets” = inhaling the compressed air intended for whipped cream dispensers for a quick high
    45.”hit 13 against a 6″ – In blackjack, you should never ask for another card when you have cards totaling 13 and the dealer has cards totaling 6. He’s going to bust, so just hold steady with your 13.
    23. “morning zoo” = those zany (horrible) morning DJ teams on pop radio stations


  4. – Approach a woman for a date and say “I never do this, but…”
    – Wear zubaz. Even if they are green and gold
    – Have a No Fear or Bad Boys sticker
    – Drive a lowered Honda with the phat exhaust. it’s just bad practice.
    – Do the Detroit Lean

    On the list….

    1. What, no T-Bone?
    14. Is endearing
    25. Only if they’re doing it on my behalf…
    36. Should anyone?


  5. I object, I strongly object…a bottle opener on a key ring is immensely useful ๐Ÿ˜› Although I will admit that a Leatherman is more useful, but you cannot get one on an airplane…not even if you do not have a criminal record. Thank you VERY MUCH GW for recreating Nazi Germany (and to all those idiots who voted for this hayseed idiot), so I have had to stop wearing mine.

    Other things NOT on the list:
    + move 1500 miles for a woman (if you can call her that) you met over the internet.
    + air guitar (actually, NO ONE should do this! EVER!).
    + karoke.
    + vote for any party other than the Libertarian Party! ๐Ÿ˜‰


  6. Oh, I object to another one…but with caveats…if the only time as a kid you got to Disney was with your mother, her very weird friend, and the friend’s teenage male youngster (who is younger than you and attends your high school), and you yourself were a teenaged male youngster…THEN, years later, when taking your very young daughter to Disney, THEN you are allowed to hug Mickey (and only Mickey)…just no photos ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Remember the no photos part…then there is no evidence ๐Ÿ˜›

    Bonus Points if you even know who Annette was! ๐Ÿ˜‰


  7. Phel! Right on! Zubaz! I haven’t thought about those for about a week! I saw this guy in Mn. wearing the blue/red ones. LOL I def. like your additions.


  8. Good calls, all of them. If we put our minds to it, we could probably increase this list tenfold and still leave room for us over-30s to act like complete chumps!

    In unrelated news, I still can’t read “peace out” without mentally completing it “she’ll kill ya like uma.”


  9. ok…here’s my input (does it matter that I’m a woman??)

    No man over 30 should ever go to a stripclub and think that the stripper actually likes him.


  10. Dude –

    I thought we’re about the same age, but I guess we travelled in different circles back in the day.

    Whippets.

    I’ve never, but most of my college pals (and even many of my current peers ‘n’ pals) have had more intimarte experience with them.

    See you tomorrow. Maybe we’ll have some ‘dessert’ later on.



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