YMCA: A Horrifying Ordeal

April 6, 2007

When the weekend comes some men quite naturally want to park themselves in front of the television to watch sports, eat chips and drink beer. I’m with you my brothers! Woe is me, however: today I spent two hours at the local YMCA. Shall I recount the horrors of my ordeal? Shall I visit them upon you like some new Passover plague? Nay. I will impart to you only a few of the tortures of my experience.

First I went to an exercise class called “cardio sculpt.” Tellingly, there was not a single other man present. The instructor was a blond woman in her mid-thirties with about 3% body fat wearing skin-tight workout clothes. I could hardly fathom my misfortune. I tried to avert my gaze, but everywhere I looked there were women in spandex moving rhythmically to the music. I know it’s hard to hear. I will say no more.

What they thought of me I cannot tell. Perhaps they thought me “sensitive” or “secure.” One imagines that they were only too eager to get back to their television-watching, beer-swilling men at home.

But my torment was not over. Next it was “PiYo” class. I’m not sure what that means, but it seems to be related to some form of South Asian sadism. Worse yet, there were more women – no men – all wearing revealing workout clothes, all wondering who the man in class was.

Safe at home I tried to come to grips with my ordeal. It was then that I discovered a new disaster: my muscles were quite exhausted. It seems clear that repeated exposure to this kind of activity could make a man fit. Buff, even. Horrifying!

(Seriously, I don’t know why men don’t go to these classes. They’re great workouts, lots of fun and they are jam packed with women. Get with it, guys!)

No comments yet

  1. Are you sure you didn’t go to the YWCA?

  2. Quite sure! Try it yourself.

  3. Women in spandex sounds much more interesting than chips and beer!

  4. Cool that you’re on a self-improvement kick. I’ve got a membership on a student rate at Bally’s, and I’ve *never* seen any men in one of the exercise classes. I’m hesitant to go in myself as I don’t know anybody. Lately I’ve stuck to the ellipticals and whatnot.. when I work up the courage, I’ll have to join them. 🙂

  5. The reason men don’t go is because no men run the courses. At my gym, the male-run classes have more men in attendance than the female-run ones. Guys see a woman in tight spandex getting up to teach a class and they either get too self-conscious, or they thing the class is going to be the fitness equivalent of scrapbooking. Not saying it’s right – but it just seems to be the way things are.

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