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Not Sexy

November 14, 2008
  • Skirt seams and zippers that are worn wildly off-center
  • Vanity
  • Using more than three words to order your beverage at Starbucks
  • Balding men with long hair
  • Picky eaters
  • Polyester do-rags
  • Saggy pants
  • Losing your temper with children in public
  • Joking or bragging about one’s sexual exploits
  • Bad tippers
  • Juliette Lewis
  • Cher
  • Political apathy
  • Alyssa Milano
  • Patrick Swayze
  • Nose jobs

What’s on your list?

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  1. excessive body hair
    un-toned bodies
    noisy eaters
    too much cologne/perfume
    work-a-holic s
    George W.Bush
    metal heads
    mullets
    comb overs
    socks in bed


  2. Slurping
    Windows
    Drinking “bad beer”
    Shaken martinis
    People who drive in cars with their music cranked up so loud you can hear it 3 lanes over.
    Peas
    Women who laugh like Joanna Cassidy in the movie 1969


  3. Nose rings, eybrow rings, basically any piercing not in the ear or navel.

    Tight tops over love handles

    Gum chewing

    People yelling “hello, hello” on their cell phones in public

    Shopping carts at CostCo piled high with bulk purchases of crap

    Onion breath

    Laziness


  4. Using more than three words to order your beverage at Starbucks

    Amen to that!


  5. smokers
    bad breath,its called a mint people!


  6. I don’t know. While I’m not generally a fan of peircings of any kind, I have seen some people for whom it just works. You know what I think the difference is for me? (Perhaps I should blog this sometime.) There are some people who do it out of a sheer desire to decorate. Look at me, they say, I like myself! It’s a way for them to extend their personality outward to others. On the other hand, there are those who do it in order to identify with a certain small group of people, to be exclusive. Or worse, they do it to actively push people away. Long story short, these latter people’s peircings don’t do anything for me.


  7. Using more than three words to order your beverage at Starbucks

    It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity. I bet this kind of thing does not happen to heroin addicts. I bet that when serious heroin addicts go to purchase their heroin, they do not tolerate waiting in line while some dilettante in front of them orders a hazelnut smack-a-chino with cinnamon sprinkles.

    —Dave Barry


  8. “Using more than three words to order your beverage at Starbucks ”

    I order a “small, regular coffee. black.” That’s four words and I assure you I’m sexy.

    “Political apathy ”

    Far more sexy than poltical partisanship.

    “Alyssa Milano”

    Hot babe that loves baseball = sexy.

    “Patrick Swayze”

    Is this a rip on a guy with cancer?

    My list would be:
    -those ear spacer things
    -orangey fake tans
    -bangs
    -anything associated with white trash (Nascar or snowbobile jackets etc.)
    -bodybuilders
    -the kind of martial arts where they wear pajamas
    -guns
    -hip hop music


  9. I’m thinking more along the lines of the half-caf no-whip non-fat latte crowd.

    Extremism isn’t sexy, I agree. But at least partisanship incicates that there’s some fire in the belly there somewhere. Apathy just indicates that there’s nothing going on inside at all.

    Alyssa Milano is empirically beautiful, but her smile has this “Hi, I’m your dorky sister!” aspect to it that I have never been able to see past.

    I’m thinking of the Patrick Swayze of the Dirty Dancing/Roadhouse/Ghost era. So not sexy.

    Hip hop can be very sexy. Try this, for example.


  10. pick up trucks
    inauthenticity
    conspicous consumption
    orthodoxy
    bad posture
    smokers
    non-drinkers
    drunks
    cellulite
    extra long fingernails


  11. Bad posture, totally.


  12. – Bluetooth earpieces (especially when you’re not even on a call)

    – Dumb chicks (a.k.a. “Woo Girls”, Girls Gone Wild, The Girls Next Door, etc.)

    – “Bottle Service”

    – Big furry boots in warm weather



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