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Earth Versus the Spider

November 17, 2008

After a busy weekend, I sat my pajama’d self on the couch last night to watch a movie. On a whim she’d rented Earth Versus the Spider starring Dan Akroyd.

I can only marvel at this film’s consistent awfulness. Not only does it have noticeable trouble figuring out what kind of movie it wants to be, but it’s dialog moves the plot forward so lamely that it was absolutely painful to watch sometimes.

A few more minutes in and I found myself wondering about Dan Akroyd’s career. Has he really fallen this far since Saturday Night Live, the Blues Brothers and Ghostbusters? Maybe the director was Akroyd’s nephew or something and he felt obligated to be in it when asked? Whatever the case, his performance was anemic and he looked like shit, having put on like 50 pounds since I last saw him on screen.

Please do not rent this movie. Not even to be cute. Not even to laugh at how bad it is. It doesn’t even succeed as an unintentional parody of some other better movie. It just sucks that bad.

I think it may even have been worse than Next with Nicholas Cage and Julianne Moore.

PS. Ah, I can see over at the first link, IMDB, that EvtS was never released in theaters. Apparently it was one of those made-for-cable jobs. I guess that goes some distance in explaining it’s thoroughgoing terribleness.

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